The "opposite sex peer groomer" is an anecdotally known variable in the phenomena of teenage boys deciding that they're trans, and acting on it. I think it was Angus Fox who noticed and remarked on it in one of his Quillette pieces. Some PITT stories raise it too. I've heard of young gay males pressuring young lesbians to embrace their trans status and to transition, but that dynamic is not nearly as prevalent as heterosexual girls mentoring gay boys into "girlhood". And of course, ROGD contagion in young girls is female to female peer influenced.
This is a good companion piece to your other essay. Thank you. Toxic femininity exists but no one dares to name or examine it much.
You point out in the beginning that the nuclear family is itself a point on the spectrum from a healthy community to alienated individuals whose identity is basically a fungible commodity used for marketing (sexual identity is just a subset of this.) But then in your analysis of the options available, the healthy community does not appear. Why not? They're not gone, they're out there and available to join (at a price.)
This is a fascinating insight. I’ve spent a lot of time and all of my teen years in all-female single-sex schools, and there’s a unique kind of hell broken and toxic women and girls inflict on each other and anyone else in their orbit. I had enormous difficulty socially at school because I was far more disagreeable by nature than most girls and could not bring myself to ‘go-along to get along’. It got better after I changed schools, until the friendship group blew up in our final year thanks to a toxic female personality.
As a young adult in my mid-20s I went through a serious process of discerning a call to religious life and spent 6 months visiting and living with sisters in different orders. I also spoke to a number of women who left religious orders before taking permanent vows and the stories they tell about how a toxic dominant female personality could destroy a convent in one generation. Sometimes it was the superior general, sometimes it wasn’t. But the effect of the emotional manipulation, conspiracy-type paranoia (with distinct political flavours), combined with the ability to isolate and insulate members from reality was completely devastating and caused a huge ego/identity disintegration after these women got out (or were kicked out) and had to work out on their own.
As a teenager reading all the feminist literature trying to understand why I was miserable I could not understand the constant blaming of the ‘patriarchy’ for everything. Here I was SURROUNDED by females (with a few odd males) in a female-lead environment, and the few males that were there were subordinate to said female leadership, and I was ostracised, bullied, even by a female teacher and occasionally openly mocked. The idea of patriarchal oppression was utterly laughable at this fancy ex-catholic private school charging 5 figure sums annually. The irony being the only place I felt respected or safe was in those few male-teacher led classes.
So I’m sorry for the sins of my sex and how they’ve hurt you so deeply. Women might not murder you themselves but they can absolutely make someone’s life a living hell and I’m not sure what is worse.
You’re such a gifted writer and you observe and articulate some pretty complex ideas and concepts. Wow… and you’re so young. I only mean to imply that you will only continue to gain more wisdom as you age and are coming from a certain perspective that so so valuable.
The "opposite sex peer groomer" is an anecdotally known variable in the phenomena of teenage boys deciding that they're trans, and acting on it. I think it was Angus Fox who noticed and remarked on it in one of his Quillette pieces. Some PITT stories raise it too. I've heard of young gay males pressuring young lesbians to embrace their trans status and to transition, but that dynamic is not nearly as prevalent as heterosexual girls mentoring gay boys into "girlhood". And of course, ROGD contagion in young girls is female to female peer influenced.
This is a good companion piece to your other essay. Thank you. Toxic femininity exists but no one dares to name or examine it much.
You're a terrific writer. Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
You point out in the beginning that the nuclear family is itself a point on the spectrum from a healthy community to alienated individuals whose identity is basically a fungible commodity used for marketing (sexual identity is just a subset of this.) But then in your analysis of the options available, the healthy community does not appear. Why not? They're not gone, they're out there and available to join (at a price.)
This is a fascinating insight. I’ve spent a lot of time and all of my teen years in all-female single-sex schools, and there’s a unique kind of hell broken and toxic women and girls inflict on each other and anyone else in their orbit. I had enormous difficulty socially at school because I was far more disagreeable by nature than most girls and could not bring myself to ‘go-along to get along’. It got better after I changed schools, until the friendship group blew up in our final year thanks to a toxic female personality.
As a young adult in my mid-20s I went through a serious process of discerning a call to religious life and spent 6 months visiting and living with sisters in different orders. I also spoke to a number of women who left religious orders before taking permanent vows and the stories they tell about how a toxic dominant female personality could destroy a convent in one generation. Sometimes it was the superior general, sometimes it wasn’t. But the effect of the emotional manipulation, conspiracy-type paranoia (with distinct political flavours), combined with the ability to isolate and insulate members from reality was completely devastating and caused a huge ego/identity disintegration after these women got out (or were kicked out) and had to work out on their own.
As a teenager reading all the feminist literature trying to understand why I was miserable I could not understand the constant blaming of the ‘patriarchy’ for everything. Here I was SURROUNDED by females (with a few odd males) in a female-lead environment, and the few males that were there were subordinate to said female leadership, and I was ostracised, bullied, even by a female teacher and occasionally openly mocked. The idea of patriarchal oppression was utterly laughable at this fancy ex-catholic private school charging 5 figure sums annually. The irony being the only place I felt respected or safe was in those few male-teacher led classes.
So I’m sorry for the sins of my sex and how they’ve hurt you so deeply. Women might not murder you themselves but they can absolutely make someone’s life a living hell and I’m not sure what is worse.
You’re such a gifted writer and you observe and articulate some pretty complex ideas and concepts. Wow… and you’re so young. I only mean to imply that you will only continue to gain more wisdom as you age and are coming from a certain perspective that so so valuable.