May 1, 2022Liked by Limpidă

Making my way through your posts now starting from the beginning. Everything you're saying is insightful and well thought out, and very kind. I'm on the FTM end of this experience, have been at it long enough that I won't be backing off because there just isn't anywhere to go from here. As someone who was a gender deviant lesbian before this, I don't really mind being this masculine, even though the uncanniness of my body and the side effects of this much surgery (scar tissue, numb areas, a sense of falseness) remain troubling. I've been processing my sense of betrayal over all of this after I had phalloplasty (all of which went perfectly, but did not make me feel whole the way I expected it to) a couple years ago. Slowly starting to read detrans stories during my initial recovery has led me down a road where I no longer believe that transsexuality exists as a discrete condition from any sort of gender deviance (which is complicated further by how insane American marketing is around gendered products so behaviors and tendencies that elsewhere would be considered within the normal spectra of male/female expression become "deviant" automatically - to what should be the great shame and embarrassment of this culture imo). I know a lot of other post-transition FTMs who solve the same dilemma I found myself in by deciding they're "nonbinary", which is such a miserable cop out. My experience was one of being so alienated from maleness and men by a very toxic radical feminism in my early adulthood that I somehow transitioned while pinching my nose the entire time. I'm not sure how I justified it to myself. In the end I'm here, so I will keep on living, but it is horrifying seeing this push to accept chemical and surgical castration. I'm glad you're writing and look forward to reading more, thank you.

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I'm glad to read more about stopping the demonization of AGP. It's true that many young men consider transitioning as a way to escape masculinity because they have been traumatized by it, even if they don't initially realize it, and these men will not accept they're AGP if it has such a horrifying tone, it will just push them towards transitioning to further escape masculinity.

Accepting yourself as AGP is not easy, especially when past trauma has shaped masculinity as a negative concept to you, but it is possible to live with it and even engage in fantasies in a non harmful way, have real relationships with other people and learn to love yourself despite having such negative views. One thing that helped me was to understand that I don't need to become a woman to start taking care of myself, I can start doing it right now. This doesn't mean I prefer being a man (I do not, I still wish I were a woman and that is not going to change, it seems), but it is a more realistic approach to the problem, and it allows me to try other less risky/permanent approaches to make myself closer to my ideal self.

I'm sure transitioning helps many individuals, but I think it's often done too hastly, and any kind of irreversible medical procedure shouldn't be heavily considered before other areas of gender nonconformity are explored. If an individual has AGP, they should be completely aware and accepting of it before transitioning.

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Nov 6, 2022·edited Nov 6, 2022

I apologize in advance for the spelling and grammar mistakes ( English it's not my native language), but I feel that my experience with AGP must be shared with you, my fellow readers and the author of the article.

From far as I know I always have been a man and I will always be one whether

I like or not. The beginning of the symptoms was about two years ago when on my summer vacation I discovered I felt aroused by the thought of a female version of me. At first I was confused with my gender identity. « Maybe you’re a transgender » I thought back on the day, but something didn’t fit in, there was a missing piece of the puzzle. So I started to obsess with it ( The gender dysphoria began and the sexual arousal was gradually taking over more and more. My first researches on the topic didn’t clear anything and over and over more they served as negative feedback to the issue. It wasn’t until I went on a deeper research that I crossed paths with Blanchard’s theory when I figured all out: I wasn’t a woman trapped in man’s body I was a man trapped in a man’s body.

Ray Blanchard led me finally to your article and I must thank you for writing this, because you have helped a lot people including myself not to take the path of transition ( I was about to make the decision of doing it). From now on I live hanging on to the hope of finding the way to treat AGP other that HRT, which I think won’t solve the problem.

If you disagree with me or you are curious about the topic I am open to receive your questions.

Thank you for reading

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Aug 27, 2022·edited Aug 27, 2022

Even AGP men with GAMP are living without gender dysphoria. They are living very much comfortable with their male gender identity. They have no need to get hooked on estradiol.

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Good writing thanks for this

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I truly loved your piece. As someone who has had a few experiences with AGP men and suffered abuse and betrayal I’ve been very hateful and bias towards AGP due to that trauma. However reading your article with a logic mind (some parts were hard but I muscles through them) has in many ways opened my pathway for improvement and for compassion and better understanding. I will be honest, I suffered terribly for years with what was done to me and the co-factors of AGP and Misogyny and Narcissism is real. Again I would like to congratulate you for giving me a new perspective. I am sorry what you suffer with. I wish you had more support and agree 100 percent we have an epidemic of males who need proper masculinity in their life and good male role models. Women can not solve these issues and personally I do not consider myself a feminist as I believe that modern feminism is toxic in itself. Long story there. Best of luck in your journey and I enjoy your writings. Please keep it up. You may save a life one day.

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