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Got in a little over my head
Update 10 Feb. 2022: I’m just gonna do my own thing :p
I’m writing to you now unplanned and unprompted. Please forgive any errors.
When I started writing and interacting on Twitter, I did not expect to receive the attention that I did. Almost immediately, this blog caught people’s eye. Granted, I did put it in front of certain influencers’ faces after receiving attention from one writer in particular (Mary Harrington, in fact), but I didn’t expect it to resonate with so many so quickly. Now I have upwards of 50 subscribers, all of you complete strangers, and roughly 280 Twitter followers, some of whom have follower counts in the tens of thousands. If I post, more will come. Of this I am sure.
I need to think carefully about what it is I intend to accomplish in this odd little niche before I start posting on a regular basis. I have many significant life obligations at the moment, one of which, of course, is trying to figure out just what exactly it is I’m going to do about the fact that I’ve transitioned. Realizing how wrong I was, how abysmally, gruesomely wrong about my entire life, who I am and who I’ve been, was a recent discovery that came right in the middle of world-changing events. I’m barely past the 6-month anniversary of recognizing that I’m male. Actually internalizing that was even more recent.
So with this in mind, on top of grad school, internships, familial obligations, etc., I have a lot on my plate. I shot off the first three posts in rapid succession, when the core of my research into all of this was still fresh and my new perspective was beginning to solidify; since then, I have struggled to come up with anything relevant. I want to write about what I want to write about (which is mostly politics), but I have come to realize much of my audience are concerned parents with boys and girls not very different from me, struggling to make sense of their place in this world. I feel an obligation to serve that audience above all others, especially given how malleable my political outlook is on most things at the moment. I know how to analyze, but I’ve grown less and less confident in my ability to prescribe any solutions to the issues of our time; which is problematic, since the next posts I was supposed to write were either about the export of LGBT ideology to conservative Western allies on the fringes of American empire (which I may still write) or a fully fleshed-out 15-page political polemic against medical transition which I no longer feel confident in publishing.
I don’t know to what extent those would directly help parents and GD sufferers. I don’t really know how to help myself at the moment. It was very easy, back when I was younger and more ignorant, to grandstand and moralize and say and do all kinds of stupid shit that could have gotten myself or others in trouble or seriously hurt. Back then, I didn’t understand that there were stakes to these things; or rather, I did, but I didn’t care. Today, and especially with this issue, there are fairly dramatic stakes, and not just for myself. I realize my audience is still small, but you all are a responsibility, and your numbers are growing.
It may be some time before I post again. You will see me (or rather, hear me) on one podcast or another. You can feel free to follow me on Twitter if you haven’t already (@americandog98). As far as another longform essay like the ones I’ve been doing, you may need to be patient. Those other two things don’t demand much thought, even if they do take up time. Quick takes are good for policing the bounds of discourse, not so much for proffering useful advice or info. Not great as a reference or touchstone for people in crisis mode either. So rest assured, I will be thinking very, very carefully about the next series of words I put to page. I don’t want to fuck this up.
I hope you all had wonderful Christmases (whether or not you celebrate), and I look forward to sharing the coming year with you. Thank you for being here.
As a PS, I’d like to also show my appreciation for all the wonderful people who have shown their support and encouraged me to throw my hat in this ring. In no particular order, thank you to Oliver Bateman (@MoustacheClubUS), Grace (@HormoneHangover), Ludwig (@LReizenstein), Helena (@lacroicsz), Katherine Dee (@default_friend), Mary Harrington (@moveincircles), Aaron Terrell (@elegationvain), Corinna (@heterodorx), and too many others to name. You’ve all helped get this off the ground and I am very grateful for your help, your expertise, and your camaraderie. Sending you all blessings in the new year.